“Never bite the hand that feeds you”- a phrase ingrained into the bones of our sons and daughters.
Cherish the hand that feeds you because it can starve you. Love your parents as deeply as you can because that is how they love you. But what do you do when those same hands, that mix rice and curry ever so gently on scratched up Thalis to slowly feed you, strike you down until you see red? Hurl insults at you until you can recognize what you are? To what extent are children expected to cherish the parents that claim to love them unconditionally, but leave scars on their hearts and bodies that love so soft could never cut. Parents do not love unconditionally, it is the children who do so.
Children are brought into this world with no one for them. Parents have spouses, their own friends and family, but a child has no one. No one except those who brought them here. So the child loves their family, through all. Justification of pain through the confessions of love keeps them trapped. Trapped in the belief that their parents love them as deeply as they do. And so it must be said any kind of abuse to a child is unforgivable. Let me put it this way, how cruel must you be to push someone who has nothing to fall back on except for your arms? You cannot push them and catch them at the same time. Helping them get up won't change the fact they're already hurt. So why do that exact same thing to children? When they are hit, yelled at and belittled what can they fall back on? They have nothing in the world except those who ruin them.
It is akin to disarming the bystanders that have no weapon to begin with.
And these unfortunate children, who can they go to? They're your parents, they get angry sometimes. They do this because they care about you. Why are you acting this way? All parents do this. They brought you into this world, be grateful.
But why is being brought into this world treated as the ultimate debt? The pain of bearing a child is incomparable, yes, however that does not give anyone the right to inflict the same or worse pain on the child. How can we
expect someone to pay off a debt they never even signed for, a debt that doesn't even belong to them? After that, they must be grateful that their parents fed them and clothed them, as if that's not the basic responsibilities of a parental figure. Failing to meet those is an inability on the parents' part, it does not make anyone else better for doing what they can't. So once again, children are indebted to their parents for things that they have a right to. A debt that they must pay off with unconditional love.
Who will tell the children that their existence has so much more than an eternal, boundless debt, more than hurt and loneliness? Who will tell them their pain is not unjustified, their tears are not more reason to be hurt? No one. Because children only have their parents. Through those blurry and tear filled eyes, they beg for forgiveness, for love. They promise to be better children, to be deserving of love. Because love is earned in the case of these precious souls, but their love remains unending. And it seems their parents love them too, until the next time the dam breaks.
No one will try to help, those are familial affairs. Who cares about how a child is treated, they'll forget it anyway. But these are not matters to forget. That child will never forget. Each humiliating insult, each unwarranted critique stamps permanently on to the young impressionable mind. Stamps they will carry as souvenirs until they muster the courage to stick them onto a blank letter and send it off. But to the parents, that was just another Tuesday, they cannot even recall what happened. In fact, did it even happen at all? These children obviously lie for attention, what an impressive act.
And after the end credits roll, when the children can no longer withstand it and leave behind the place and the people that made them want to smash the mirror to pieces, rip out resemblance of those who brought them into this world, they're criticized for abandoning their parents. It's as if their parents didn't abandon them first. Parents are pitied for being in such a tough position, nobody questions why their own flesh and blood would do this. Because they'll have to face a reality they can't accept, they
themselves did something wrong, and the children had nothing more to give. Or, the children will stay. They'll absorb everything that happened to them and make it their normal. Why? Because not everyone can deal with the grief of realizing their own parents do not love them. So they decide it's completely fine. They'll do the same to their own children and bark about how much worse they had it. It doesn't matter if their kid is in pain at their hands, they suffered more pain from their own roots. Because these unloving parents were unloved children too. How could they have ever known they deserved better? They didn't. So they believe they got exactly what they deserved, and passed on the same worthlessness to their children.
It's not to say such parents don't love their children. They do. Technically they do. But not enough to let go of their ego. Not enough to let go of what they believe is right, to listen to their child's pleas and feel remorse, to feel the need to change or apologize. Not enough to face their own pasts and question why they do what they do. They'll throw a half-hearted apology alongside a Thali full of cut up fruit and expect wholehearted forgiveness. However, fruit juice cannot wipe stained cheeks. The sweetness of the fruit cannot replicate a loving embrace.
It is so easy to love a child. How incredibly beautiful it is watching them flourish as the person they were meant to be because of that love. So tell me, can you blame me for resenting those who lock their love behind achievements, traits, and impossible expectations? All you must do, is love your child, and reach out your hands to give them all that you can, they already love you as much as they possibly can.
