Perhaps, you never realized the sheer amount of pride I feel looking at you. Perhaps you never noticed the sparkle in my eyes when I see you laughing. Not a pretentious one, a genuine bubbly one. A laugh that comes from your heart. Loud and uninhibited. As if nothing in the world matters, except for that moment.
Perhaps you never realized that I notice. I notice your exhaustion. I notice your endless passion for work because you have us to take care of. I notice your attempts at brushing your pain, your struggles off with a smile.
"It's a temporary world, forgive those who have wronged me," you say, but I notice.
I notice your struggle in sharing those painful stories even after years, because those are permanent scars. They never faded; you just learned to live with them. You learned to give yourself time and accept the hurt, but you chose to forgive those people time and time again.
I know why you do it. I know you want us to forgive them the way you have, because your heart is made of gold. Because in every universe, I know for a fact, that you'd pick us over everything if it meant having to go through the same struggles repeatedly.
But, you don't understand, do you? The things you've done for us, the way you've raised us is incomprehensible. It's utterly impressive. You worked day and night, and made sure to provide us with everything we needed and more. You showed endless patience and care towards us, even when we asked the stupidest questions.
You were exhausted after working all day, yet you still came home and gave us time, you still talked to us for hours, just so we didn't feel neglected. Yet, you still found the time to make meals for us because you know how dearly we love your handmade food.
There is so much you have done for us, mum. Do you really think we would be able to forgive those who have hurt you deeply? So much so that your breath still hitches when you attempt to share the memories of those days with us, because those wounds were deep.
Even though the scar has healed, it can never fully disappear.
Do you really think I would see that and feel an ounce of empathy for those people, mum?
I wish you understood the strength of your presence beside me.
You bring warmth and positivity to those who know you. You have managed to show up for us countless times. As a matter of fact, you have managed to show up as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife, and as a mother countless times. You buy little trinkets for the children just to see their giddy little smiles and feel the warmth of their excitement.
Every smile, every hug, every laugh of yours fills my chest with warmth, with tenderness. They cause my heart to overflow with adoration that exists all for you.
Only if you knew.
To me, there will never be anyone whom I admire more. Not only for their resilience, but also for their authenticity and kindness. For their bottomless pit of love for family.
What would I ever do without you, amma? Do you even realize that?
Do you even realize that I couldn't live without the warmth of your voice and the security of your arms?
You probably don't, but that's okay.
I'll keep loving you with my entire heart 'til my end comes.
Nothing will ever compare to your affection for us.
